I am grading some piles of homework and its so crazy-making how some kids, week after week, just don't do their homework.
I was a goody two-shoes so the idea of not doing my homework even once was completely unthinkable. So it's just so out there to me to consistently, stubbornly, defiantly come to class every week without doing any of the work. Like what is going on in their heads? I'd suspect that maybe they decided they can get a good grade without doing any of the homework, but that would involve them actually doing some math to figure that out.
What is particularly bizarre is that at Eastside, you can't leave school on Friday until you've done all your late work. In the absence of this policy I could kind of understand the rationale. I don't want to do this work, and I won't do it.
But we *do* have this policy. And the kids know it. And they know the VP is militantly determined to make them do their work and will not let them go until they do. So WHAT ARE THEY THINKING!?!?!? They know they will have to do this someday. They will be forced to stay late on a Friday to get this stuff done. This has happened every week for the past 4 months. But they STILL won't do it.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Finals approach
Finals start two weeks from last Weds: less than 2 weeks. Can't believe we're already halfway done. Time goes so fast.
I started doing review with my 'resource' class today (kids who need extra help). I was dreading it, afraid we'd be starting from 0. But it was actually really encouraging. Some of the material from chapter two (the logic proof business) they were more comfortable with today than they were when were covering it in class.
More panic/anxiety on the job front. I have never been that self-motivated with engineering: all projects have been for school or for work, on school/work machines/systems where all the tools are there for you.
I have a little project I want to do for the kids where I'd like to process some files using a little Python script. I spent several hours mucking with getting Python installed on my Windows machine last night, finally just punted. I could get it installed and kinda running, but it doesn't seem to work or play well with Cygwin. What I'd really like is to run python scripts the way I can on Unix:
% somescript.py
and boom it does its thing. I couldn't quite get that to work.
This this AM my machine starts giving me blue screen of death. The recovery wipes out the past few days of files, so I'm back to no Python at all. Grr.
I started doing review with my 'resource' class today (kids who need extra help). I was dreading it, afraid we'd be starting from 0. But it was actually really encouraging. Some of the material from chapter two (the logic proof business) they were more comfortable with today than they were when were covering it in class.
More panic/anxiety on the job front. I have never been that self-motivated with engineering: all projects have been for school or for work, on school/work machines/systems where all the tools are there for you.
I have a little project I want to do for the kids where I'd like to process some files using a little Python script. I spent several hours mucking with getting Python installed on my Windows machine last night, finally just punted. I could get it installed and kinda running, but it doesn't seem to work or play well with Cygwin. What I'd really like is to run python scripts the way I can on Unix:
% somescript.py
and boom it does its thing. I couldn't quite get that to work.
This this AM my machine starts giving me blue screen of death. The recovery wipes out the past few days of files, so I'm back to no Python at all. Grr.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
What's next
I just got an email from a recruiter for a position at 'Quantios'. Somewhat interesting/relevant because the company deals with college readiness and admissions, and I'm seeing another side of that right now. I told them I wouldn't be available until May but I might look them up then.
Then I looked at the site and the job description in detail.
It's kind of scary when the first n items on the requirements are a 'no' for me. Ruby and Php? No. Experience in Agile/Scrum, pair programming? No. Experience in MVC, Rest? Had to Google to find out what those meant.
Uh oh.
Then I looked at the site and the job description in detail.
It's kind of scary when the first n items on the requirements are a 'no' for me. Ruby and Php? No. Experience in Agile/Scrum, pair programming? No. Experience in MVC, Rest? Had to Google to find out what those meant.
Uh oh.
Ahhhh SSR
Tues-Fri my day ends with a 1.5 hour "tutorial", which is essentially study hall. I try to get the kids to do homework, and they try to not do homework.
But some genius in years past decided these tutorials should start with SSR: Silent (something) reading. 20 minutes where they read a book in absolute silence.
I. Love. Ssr. It is so peaceful.
But some genius in years past decided these tutorials should start with SSR: Silent (something) reading. 20 minutes where they read a book in absolute silence.
I. Love. Ssr. It is so peaceful.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
New New Approach
Got some feedback from the resource class on how I might make classes more effective.
They said:
1. Get rid of the 'warm up': I'd put a problem up on the overhead covering topics from the previous class, they would spend 5 min doing the problem and we'd spend another 5 min discussing. They don't like it.
2. More time to do work in class on their own. We were doing work in class (sample problems during presentation of new material plus a few sample homework problems) but largely it'd be talking thru the problem and asking kids to fill in different parts. No, they want to be left alone to try it completely on their own.
3. Let them sit in larger groups. Arrange the tables into little clusters with 3-5 students at each cluster. During the work-in-class time the clusters can talk to each other and teach each other.
Done, done, and done. I've done this the past week and I like it. Nixing the warmup gives me more time to teach new stuff. The kids teach learn better from each other as they work in groups than they do from me talking. And letting them work in groups gives me time to circulate and deal 1-1 with kids who may be having trouble.
Further refinement: no more question hats. I liked watching them in silly hats but one girl pointed out that sharing hats was "nasty" and that was the end of that.
Now I take a few playing cards, put 'em in a stack, and write a kid's name on the board for each card in the stack (random set of kids). Each time a named kid asks a question I flip a card and they get that many points. This is working pretty well: today the class was begging/pleading/commanding the last kid on the board to ask a question to get the last card (It was a king, 50 points... that's a lot of points!). So hooray for peer pressure.
Another teacher sat in and observed today. I am a bit apprehensive about this. I'd like to get useful feedback on how to do better but of course it's difficult to have someone say "you didn't do XYZ well". But I know I need help.
They said:
1. Get rid of the 'warm up': I'd put a problem up on the overhead covering topics from the previous class, they would spend 5 min doing the problem and we'd spend another 5 min discussing. They don't like it.
2. More time to do work in class on their own. We were doing work in class (sample problems during presentation of new material plus a few sample homework problems) but largely it'd be talking thru the problem and asking kids to fill in different parts. No, they want to be left alone to try it completely on their own.
3. Let them sit in larger groups. Arrange the tables into little clusters with 3-5 students at each cluster. During the work-in-class time the clusters can talk to each other and teach each other.
Done, done, and done. I've done this the past week and I like it. Nixing the warmup gives me more time to teach new stuff. The kids teach learn better from each other as they work in groups than they do from me talking. And letting them work in groups gives me time to circulate and deal 1-1 with kids who may be having trouble.
Further refinement: no more question hats. I liked watching them in silly hats but one girl pointed out that sharing hats was "nasty" and that was the end of that.
Now I take a few playing cards, put 'em in a stack, and write a kid's name on the board for each card in the stack (random set of kids). Each time a named kid asks a question I flip a card and they get that many points. This is working pretty well: today the class was begging/pleading/commanding the last kid on the board to ask a question to get the last card (It was a king, 50 points... that's a lot of points!). So hooray for peer pressure.
Another teacher sat in and observed today. I am a bit apprehensive about this. I'd like to get useful feedback on how to do better but of course it's difficult to have someone say "you didn't do XYZ well". But I know I need help.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Results are in
Just graded the tests.
The good news is that the kids who were clustering around the board clamoring for more problems all did relatively well, better than they've done in the past.
The bad news is that a lot of other kids tanked hard. Some of those were kids who weren't really trying, but other were really working, and it's very sad to have to give them a bad grade.
Curse you, corresponding angles! Why must you be so confusing?
The good news is that the kids who were clustering around the board clamoring for more problems all did relatively well, better than they've done in the past.
The bad news is that a lot of other kids tanked hard. Some of those were kids who weren't really trying, but other were really working, and it's very sad to have to give them a bad grade.
Curse you, corresponding angles! Why must you be so confusing?
Small (?) Victory
I have a period of tutorial (study hall) with my sophomore geometry class. They are supposed to do homework, specifically math homework. In general some degree of talking is allowed during tutorial.
This particular class has generally driven me nuts. The girls like to talk and giggle, the boys like to talk and make the girls giggle, and I become this raging ogre after a while.
Side note: just like little birds that eat stuff out of alligators' teeth or bees pollinating flowers, there is something very primal and symbiotic about a teenage girl's desire to giggle and a teenage boy's desire to make her giggle. Trying to squelch that is like fighting the tides.
Anyway, yesterday there was this significant change. There's a test coming up, and the overall tone of the class was "let's prepare for the test." Kids were going over old homework, quizzing each other, drilling with flashcards. They started petitioning me to make up new problems, and there were literally scuffles at the whiteboard trying to get in there with the markers to solve the problems. And even cases of one student trying to "save" the problem for another one: like don't solve that problem, Joe; Mark needs to learn that, let him work on it.
What... was... that????
This particular class has generally driven me nuts. The girls like to talk and giggle, the boys like to talk and make the girls giggle, and I become this raging ogre after a while.
Side note: just like little birds that eat stuff out of alligators' teeth or bees pollinating flowers, there is something very primal and symbiotic about a teenage girl's desire to giggle and a teenage boy's desire to make her giggle. Trying to squelch that is like fighting the tides.
Anyway, yesterday there was this significant change. There's a test coming up, and the overall tone of the class was "let's prepare for the test." Kids were going over old homework, quizzing each other, drilling with flashcards. They started petitioning me to make up new problems, and there were literally scuffles at the whiteboard trying to get in there with the markers to solve the problems. And even cases of one student trying to "save" the problem for another one: like don't solve that problem, Joe; Mark needs to learn that, let him work on it.
What... was... that????
Air Quotes
On Monday I had lunch with the spouse-of-a-friend-of-a-friend who is doing something similar to me: he left a high tech firm earlier this year to work on a non-profit. I'd heard him speak at a fundraiser for his non-profit, and I'd asked if we could do lunch because I was interested in how the whole process played out for him.
It was helpful for me to talk with him. Over the past few weeks I'd been recasting my decision as "I failed in technology, so in shame I quit and ran away to teaching". This guy was good at calling me out on that, how that's a ridiculously negative view of things. At one point I was describing to him how I was feeling obligated to try to work on technical projects on the side while teaching. I described it as "doing projects while I'm not working". He immediately called me on that: what am I saying when I describe teaching, helping these kids, as "not working".
I said "At least I used air quotes when I said not working".
He said "But you didn't really mean it." And he was right. Busted.
It was helpful for me to talk with him. Over the past few weeks I'd been recasting my decision as "I failed in technology, so in shame I quit and ran away to teaching". This guy was good at calling me out on that, how that's a ridiculously negative view of things. At one point I was describing to him how I was feeling obligated to try to work on technical projects on the side while teaching. I described it as "doing projects while I'm not working". He immediately called me on that: what am I saying when I describe teaching, helping these kids, as "not working".
I said "At least I used air quotes when I said not working".
He said "But you didn't really mean it." And he was right. Busted.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Spirit Week
Last week was spirit week here at Eastside. Nerd Day, Pajama Day, Wacky Day, College Day, and Halloween. I didn't do anything special for any of the days. No spirit. I never consciously decided I wasn't going to do anything. I just wasn't paying attention when I dressed for the day and that was that.
Pretty fun to see all the kids in crazy getups though.
Pretty fun to see all the kids in crazy getups though.
Why can't you do that on the first test?
A student who got an F on a test just retook the test and got like a 95. Aye caramba. Good news is that he understands the material. Bad news is that retest you can only get back a quarter of the points you lost, so he only picked up like 12 points.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Jokes, take 1
Asked the kids today for some jokes.
My favorite:
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You poke her face (say it aloud).
My favorite:
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You poke her face (say it aloud).
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Kids today
The latest fashion thing seems to be wearing thick black giant glasses with no lenses; just the frames.
I guess this makes me officially old, because no matter how I look at it, it just seems completely ridiculous-looking. Definitely one where in years to come they will look at pictures and say "what was I thinking?".
I guess this makes me officially old, because no matter how I look at it, it just seems completely ridiculous-looking. Definitely one where in years to come they will look at pictures and say "what was I thinking?".
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Point, students
I hosted a potluck for school staff on Sunday afternoon. I was a little disappointed with the turnout; 3 teachers (one with spouse), one admin with spouse.
In class on Monday I was talking about this with the class (just trying to get them going, the first period on Monday they were all zombies). They thought it was pretty funny.
Later I was doing a spot check to see who had come to class with all their stuff: I asked everyone to take out their protractors. For 21 kids, there were only 10 protractors. I was making a big deal about this, "10 protractors!! I can't believe it, for 21 students only TEN PROTRACTORS!!!".
In the silence that followed, one girl called out "At least it's more people than you had at your party."
In class on Monday I was talking about this with the class (just trying to get them going, the first period on Monday they were all zombies). They thought it was pretty funny.
Later I was doing a spot check to see who had come to class with all their stuff: I asked everyone to take out their protractors. For 21 kids, there were only 10 protractors. I was making a big deal about this, "10 protractors!! I can't believe it, for 21 students only TEN PROTRACTORS!!!".
In the silence that followed, one girl called out "At least it's more people than you had at your party."
Test 2
Got the second test all graded (second major unit test). This one went pretty well. The averages were higher than last time. Another student from the resource class (the extra class for kids who have had trouble with math in the past) got an A.
The challenge is balance. My first and second period classes are a more typical mix of kids but the fourth period is the accelerated track. For the first and second period the grades fell out on a normal histogram: some A's, more B's, a few C's, a D or two. For the fourth period class the average was over 100.
I need to redesign the tests. Like the first 70 points are a cakewalk, the next 20 points are more challenging, and the last 10 points are really challenging, and the extra credit is super-challenging.
The challenge is balance. My first and second period classes are a more typical mix of kids but the fourth period is the accelerated track. For the first and second period the grades fell out on a normal histogram: some A's, more B's, a few C's, a D or two. For the fourth period class the average was over 100.
I need to redesign the tests. Like the first 70 points are a cakewalk, the next 20 points are more challenging, and the last 10 points are really challenging, and the extra credit is super-challenging.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Inspiration
New thing in class. I brought in 4 silly hats: a Santa hat with a giant spring on top (and a bell at the end of the spring); a construction hat, a sailor hat, and a green military commander hat. These are question hats. When the class starts I give them to a random students. They have to wear the question hat until they ask a question (like a good question). Then they can take it off and give it back to me. If anyone still has a hat at the end of class the whole class loses points.
This has been pretty successful. The kids are motivated to ask questions, and they generally jump on the hat-wearer if they are being too shy. And I get a kick out of looking out into the classroom and seeing a bunch of silly hats. One of my students came in wearing these big silly glasses with tape on them. That plus the construction hat was just too funny.
This has been pretty successful. The kids are motivated to ask questions, and they generally jump on the hat-wearer if they are being too shy. And I get a kick out of looking out into the classroom and seeing a bunch of silly hats. One of my students came in wearing these big silly glasses with tape on them. That plus the construction hat was just too funny.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Computer Science
Sitting in on the computer science class for the first time today. They are learning C++; writing "Hello world" using a function.
I am trying to think of a good analogy but I can't; there's nothing like the anxious, twitchy feeling of watching over the shoulder as someone writes error-riddled code at a painfully slow rate. I had this huge urge to just shove the kid aside and type it myself. Which I realize makes absolutely no sense. I don't understand it. Perhaps 14 years of "Hurry, write the code" just makes it unbearable to be patient with someone else.
It also reminds me how much there is to learn. Functions, arguments, control flow, recursion, syntax, debugging, etc. When it all seems like second nature it's hard to get oriented on how to help someone who has none of it.
Right now they are demo-ing games they wrote in Alice, a drag-n-drop based system for building customized games. I gotta say they've made some cool games: the student presenting now essentially made Frogger.
I am trying to think of a good analogy but I can't; there's nothing like the anxious, twitchy feeling of watching over the shoulder as someone writes error-riddled code at a painfully slow rate. I had this huge urge to just shove the kid aside and type it myself. Which I realize makes absolutely no sense. I don't understand it. Perhaps 14 years of "Hurry, write the code" just makes it unbearable to be patient with someone else.
It also reminds me how much there is to learn. Functions, arguments, control flow, recursion, syntax, debugging, etc. When it all seems like second nature it's hard to get oriented on how to help someone who has none of it.
Right now they are demo-ing games they wrote in Alice, a drag-n-drop based system for building customized games. I gotta say they've made some cool games: the student presenting now essentially made Frogger.
Conferences
We just did parent conferences.
Eastside has a pretty slick way of handling this. Teachers submit grades and write narratives; a few paragraphs about how the student is doing. Kids get the narratives and create a presentation. For each of the schools ESLRs (habits of work, habits of thought, communication, community service) they describe how they are doing well and where the need work. For each point they need to support their statements with quotes from the narratives. Then they come up with a detailed plan on how they will do better.
For the conference, the kid meets with their parents and a few (2-3) of their teachers for about 30 minutes. The student does their presentation for their parents. Then parents & teachers can ask questions.
On the bad side, this gets repetitive. We did it for 3 hours on Thurs, and all day 8 to 6:30 on Friday and Monday. I have heard a *lot* about habits of mind.
On the good side, it's a very satisfying experience to see the kids take ownership of their performance at school. Kids who are doing well get great positive feedback, in front of their parents, which really makes them beam. Kids who have been a little checked out have this moment of clarity where they see how their work habits affect their grades and ask themselves "Is this really the way I want my school career to unfold."
I feel a little guilty about it, but my absolute favorite is watching kids who have been sassy and disrespectful have to read quotes about how they're sassy and disrespectful right in front of their parents. Mmmm, sweet sweet revenge. It's petty.... but there you go.
It is also really interesting to see the range of public speaking skills. Some kids are comedians; totally funny, engaging, entertaining, throwing in little asides to keep the mood light. Others are very business-like; this one student was seriously ready to anchor an evening news show; straight ahead, clear, slow, measured, pauses for eye contact, everything. The hardest was a student who read his whole thing in mumbling, quiet monotone.
Eastside has a pretty slick way of handling this. Teachers submit grades and write narratives; a few paragraphs about how the student is doing. Kids get the narratives and create a presentation. For each of the schools ESLRs (habits of work, habits of thought, communication, community service) they describe how they are doing well and where the need work. For each point they need to support their statements with quotes from the narratives. Then they come up with a detailed plan on how they will do better.
For the conference, the kid meets with their parents and a few (2-3) of their teachers for about 30 minutes. The student does their presentation for their parents. Then parents & teachers can ask questions.
On the bad side, this gets repetitive. We did it for 3 hours on Thurs, and all day 8 to 6:30 on Friday and Monday. I have heard a *lot* about habits of mind.
On the good side, it's a very satisfying experience to see the kids take ownership of their performance at school. Kids who are doing well get great positive feedback, in front of their parents, which really makes them beam. Kids who have been a little checked out have this moment of clarity where they see how their work habits affect their grades and ask themselves "Is this really the way I want my school career to unfold."
I feel a little guilty about it, but my absolute favorite is watching kids who have been sassy and disrespectful have to read quotes about how they're sassy and disrespectful right in front of their parents. Mmmm, sweet sweet revenge. It's petty.... but there you go.
It is also really interesting to see the range of public speaking skills. Some kids are comedians; totally funny, engaging, entertaining, throwing in little asides to keep the mood light. Others are very business-like; this one student was seriously ready to anchor an evening news show; straight ahead, clear, slow, measured, pauses for eye contact, everything. The hardest was a student who read his whole thing in mumbling, quiet monotone.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Progress
Little by little the proof stuff is sinking in.
During tutorial (study hall) I had them break down into teams, and each team handled a problem from the homework. I stacked the teams to make sure there was one stronger student on each team. Then I circulated around the teams, checking in to see how they're doing, offer ideas, etc. This worked well; as one member of a team began to 'get it' they would teach the other kids. Then the teams would share answers with each other.
All of this worked assuming the kids actually participated in the teams. Some folks sat there with notebook, pens, homework all in their bag, bag on their lap, staring off into space. When I check in to encourage them to participate, they say "I'm lost".
We had the second dorm dinner last night - a formal dinner with the kids who live in the dorms. I really like these. I taught my table how to play liar's dice (and I beat them twice, ha ha ha). They really liked it. I would much rather play with the kids than teach & grade them; it's so fun to just goof off. I also took about 20 minutes with my resource class to play hot dice. Also a big hit.
During tutorial (study hall) I had them break down into teams, and each team handled a problem from the homework. I stacked the teams to make sure there was one stronger student on each team. Then I circulated around the teams, checking in to see how they're doing, offer ideas, etc. This worked well; as one member of a team began to 'get it' they would teach the other kids. Then the teams would share answers with each other.
All of this worked assuming the kids actually participated in the teams. Some folks sat there with notebook, pens, homework all in their bag, bag on their lap, staring off into space. When I check in to encourage them to participate, they say "I'm lost".
We had the second dorm dinner last night - a formal dinner with the kids who live in the dorms. I really like these. I taught my table how to play liar's dice (and I beat them twice, ha ha ha). They really liked it. I would much rather play with the kids than teach & grade them; it's so fun to just goof off. I also took about 20 minutes with my resource class to play hot dice. Also a big hit.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
My brain just exploded
We are doing formal logic proofs and it's been like the bubonic plague of geometry topics; mass, brutal devastation. With other topics it seems that about 1/3 totally get it and can do most of the problems right, another 1/3 kind of get it and can do some problems right, with some ghost of an idea how to do the other problems, and the final 1/3 struggling.
With this it's like 98% of the kids are completely, totally lost. Can't even make a first step. Don't even have an intuition where to start. Look at me like I just asked them to sing in Chinese.
An example problem:
You are smart and you are rich.
If you are rich then you have a nice car.
If you eat too much then you are not smart.
Prove: you have a nice car and you don't eat too much.
We talk in class about how to symbolize this, and various 'logic laws' you can use to draw conclusions (ponendo ponens, law of simplification, etc.) But no dizzle, they are just not feeling this.
I am going to take some extra days and see if we can get it going....
With this it's like 98% of the kids are completely, totally lost. Can't even make a first step. Don't even have an intuition where to start. Look at me like I just asked them to sing in Chinese.
An example problem:
You are smart and you are rich.
If you are rich then you have a nice car.
If you eat too much then you are not smart.
Prove: you have a nice car and you don't eat too much.
We talk in class about how to symbolize this, and various 'logic laws' you can use to draw conclusions (ponendo ponens, law of simplification, etc.) But no dizzle, they are just not feeling this.
I am going to take some extra days and see if we can get it going....
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
You're failing study hall
I have 2 periods which Eastside calls "tutorials"; basically study hall. All the kids in my tutorials are kids from one of my 3 classes. And these are "math" tutorials. The kids are supposed to do their math homework, then any other work they have due.
One of these tutorials is like a battle royale every time I see them. The kids come in after a half hour break. They know they are supposed to have a book to read for the first 20 minutes. They know they are supposed to do their math homework. Etc.
But it's always the same thing: I need to go to the bathroom. I forgot a book. I don't have my math book. I need to go to my locker. I want to do my Spanish homework instead. Blah blah blah. The real kicker is, most of these kids are not doing so hot in my class. They have a homework assignment due the next day, which is generally done poorly. I make every effort to be available to answer their questions. But they don't ask questions; they just do the assignment poorly, on their own. Every time. I have recently taken to wandering the room and just swooping in on kids and saying "let me help you". Kids who are on the edge of failing the class. And these kids give me push-back; no, I'm fine, I don't need help.
So I finally resorted to using the grade to try to goad them. Typically this period is supposed to be a cakewalk; you show up for tutorial and get an A. I told them, several weeks ago, that many of them are getting C's. In study hall. Now that the first round of grades is being sent home to parents, this is finally sinking in.
So today, after a particularly frustrating, tooth-pulling, I-left-my-book-at-home-again-and-can-I-go-pee session, I had several of them come and ask me what their grade is, only to get all bent when I told them "A C, just like I told you several weeks ago."
Grrrrr.
One of these tutorials is like a battle royale every time I see them. The kids come in after a half hour break. They know they are supposed to have a book to read for the first 20 minutes. They know they are supposed to do their math homework. Etc.
But it's always the same thing: I need to go to the bathroom. I forgot a book. I don't have my math book. I need to go to my locker. I want to do my Spanish homework instead. Blah blah blah. The real kicker is, most of these kids are not doing so hot in my class. They have a homework assignment due the next day, which is generally done poorly. I make every effort to be available to answer their questions. But they don't ask questions; they just do the assignment poorly, on their own. Every time. I have recently taken to wandering the room and just swooping in on kids and saying "let me help you". Kids who are on the edge of failing the class. And these kids give me push-back; no, I'm fine, I don't need help.
So I finally resorted to using the grade to try to goad them. Typically this period is supposed to be a cakewalk; you show up for tutorial and get an A. I told them, several weeks ago, that many of them are getting C's. In study hall. Now that the first round of grades is being sent home to parents, this is finally sinking in.
So today, after a particularly frustrating, tooth-pulling, I-left-my-book-at-home-again-and-can-I-go-pee session, I had several of them come and ask me what their grade is, only to get all bent when I told them "A C, just like I told you several weeks ago."
Grrrrr.
Pizza Bribery Pays
I think I mentioned a while back that I'd instituted a Hogwarts-like points competition for my 3 classes. Classes gain or lost points, as a group, based on behavior and scholarship. I was getting frustrated with the daily battles to get the kids to just act like students: bring a notebook, pay attention in class, etc. I realized that when I yell/encourage/whatever I am just some teacher saying blah blah blah. I wanted to introduce a dynamic where the kids pressure each other.
It is working really well. The kids definitely understand and value the points. When someone loses points for the class by not being prepared or engaged, they definitely hear about it from the rest of the class.
Yesterday we had our first points payoff: the sophomore class got pizza for having the highest point total. They were definitely jazzed about it. And, as I'd hoped, they went and rubbed it in the face of the other classes.
I don't think I can do pizza for every payoff though. It was expensive. And I had to find a pizza company which is willing to deliver in East Palo Alto, and open at 9 in the morning. Ultimately I found a store which was willing to open early to do the delivery (thank you New York Pizza of Palo Alto).
I think next time around I am going to make brownies.
So today we're rebooting, starting up the points from 0 again.
It is working really well. The kids definitely understand and value the points. When someone loses points for the class by not being prepared or engaged, they definitely hear about it from the rest of the class.
Yesterday we had our first points payoff: the sophomore class got pizza for having the highest point total. They were definitely jazzed about it. And, as I'd hoped, they went and rubbed it in the face of the other classes.
I don't think I can do pizza for every payoff though. It was expensive. And I had to find a pizza company which is willing to deliver in East Palo Alto, and open at 9 in the morning. Ultimately I found a store which was willing to open early to do the delivery (thank you New York Pizza of Palo Alto).
I think next time around I am going to make brownies.
So today we're rebooting, starting up the points from 0 again.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Retesting
Those who did not do so well on the unit test got a chance to do a retest. They got back their graded tests and a complete, detailed solution set. I told them they had one week to study and then arrange with me a time to take the retest. Furthermore, I promised I would give them the exact same questions, just with the numbers changed (so 2x-5 becomes 4x+12). For anything they get right on the retest, they get back 1/4 of the points (so if you missed a problem worth 4 points and got it right on the retest you'd get a point added to your final score).
Pretty sweet deal, right? Especially for those who had borderline grade (e.g. a 69) or very low grades (there were some 49s).
A handful of kids did what I'd expect/hope: they got on that solution set like white on rice, went over their mistakes, and then badgered me with questions all week about everything they did not understand. Yay for those kids. They did fairly well and got a significant bump out of the retest. But some kids clearly did not even take a single thoughtful look at the solution set. They made the *exact same mistakes* on the retest as the original. And I'm not talking tricky math stuff. I'm talking "How many dimensions does a plane have". It was 2 in the original test, and sister, it's still 2.
I got *so mad* at those kids while grading the retest. Some "I'm mad at you for not helping yourself". Some "I'm mad at you for wasting my time with this retest if you're not going to put any heart into it."
Pretty sweet deal, right? Especially for those who had borderline grade (e.g. a 69) or very low grades (there were some 49s).
A handful of kids did what I'd expect/hope: they got on that solution set like white on rice, went over their mistakes, and then badgered me with questions all week about everything they did not understand. Yay for those kids. They did fairly well and got a significant bump out of the retest. But some kids clearly did not even take a single thoughtful look at the solution set. They made the *exact same mistakes* on the retest as the original. And I'm not talking tricky math stuff. I'm talking "How many dimensions does a plane have". It was 2 in the original test, and sister, it's still 2.
I got *so mad* at those kids while grading the retest. Some "I'm mad at you for not helping yourself". Some "I'm mad at you for wasting my time with this retest if you're not going to put any heart into it."
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Why does math have to involve so much math?
We started in on Unit 2, which is all about logic. E.g. how would you symbolize "Either Mr Jones is not angry, or Betty is not late if Tim is nauseated" where:
A = Mr Jones is angry.
B = Betty is late.
C = Tim is nauseated.
When we first got into this some of the kids were really psyched. Hooray, math without numbers. One kid even asked if there's a college major in logic. I said I didn't think so. He later came back and said yes there is. I still don't think so but I don't want to argue with him.
Anyway, it's now getting more complicated, and the shine is off a bit. And I'm sad. I really wanted them to have a whole unit where they'd feel like masters of the universe. But some of this is just really confusing. And what's extra crazy-making is it's hard to teach: for kids who are having a hard time getting it, I am having trouble coming up with new examples or ways to explain it. This is one where you really can't come up with little rules and laws to memorize: you really have to get what's going on at some fundamental level.
For whatever reason, what seems to make their brains explode is combining 'not' with 'or' or 'and'. The difference between "I do not like Ludacris or I do not like Lil Wayne" and "I do not like Ludacris and I do not like Lil Wayne". This is the new "skew lines are never coplanar": I am getting the feeling I will be explaining this many many many times in the days to come.
In other random news, a donor was visiting the school today. She was chatting with the principal in the reception are, and she was holding one of those giant checks you see on TV. I asked if it was legal tender. I was hoping to get a real answer because the lady worked for a bank. I did not get a real answer. The mystery remains.
A = Mr Jones is angry.
B = Betty is late.
C = Tim is nauseated.
When we first got into this some of the kids were really psyched. Hooray, math without numbers. One kid even asked if there's a college major in logic. I said I didn't think so. He later came back and said yes there is. I still don't think so but I don't want to argue with him.
Anyway, it's now getting more complicated, and the shine is off a bit. And I'm sad. I really wanted them to have a whole unit where they'd feel like masters of the universe. But some of this is just really confusing. And what's extra crazy-making is it's hard to teach: for kids who are having a hard time getting it, I am having trouble coming up with new examples or ways to explain it. This is one where you really can't come up with little rules and laws to memorize: you really have to get what's going on at some fundamental level.
For whatever reason, what seems to make their brains explode is combining 'not' with 'or' or 'and'. The difference between "I do not like Ludacris or I do not like Lil Wayne" and "I do not like Ludacris and I do not like Lil Wayne". This is the new "skew lines are never coplanar": I am getting the feeling I will be explaining this many many many times in the days to come.
In other random news, a donor was visiting the school today. She was chatting with the principal in the reception are, and she was holding one of those giant checks you see on TV. I asked if it was legal tender. I was hoping to get a real answer because the lady worked for a bank. I did not get a real answer. The mystery remains.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
New approach
One last thing: today I tried out my new strategy:
- Teach all the new stuff up front.
- Do some of the homework problems right then, as an example.
- Use the last bit of class to do any backwards-looking stuff (old homework, tests, etc).
Testing 123
So this week I gave the first major test. I was really nervous about it. The kids had generally not tested well: quizzes were coming back just terrible from all 3 classes. The last quiz I gave the average was about 65% (a D), even the in the smarty-smart class.
I felt nervous for two reasons. One, I didn't want the kids to fail and feel terrible about themselves. Two, if they all failed, I'd feel responsible; it's because I'm a bad teacher, etc.
Well, things went really well overall. The smarty smart kids averaged like high 90's, many scores over 100 (there was extra credit). The normally normal kids did reasonably well. Generally better than I expected. And I feel like the scores pretty accurately reflected how I feel the kids are doing in the class; in general.
There were some outliers in both directions. On the positive side, some kids did way better than they expected. Two of 'em I wanted to smack (just kidding, police people) because they had been acting like total goofballs in class, then they go and ace the test. Some kids in my resource class (extra class for those who need some more help) got A's, I was so happy for them.
On the sad side, some kids who generally have been working really hard still did terrible. For some people, numbers are just really, really confusing.
In other news, I have been to Google a lot to play volleyball. This is fun, good exercise and all, but I feel like it's probably psychologically unhealthy. Like continuing to hang out with your ex after you've broken up. Some part of me still wants to belong there. Worse, somehow performance reviews have come up in conversation the past few times I've been there. In both cases the person talking was getting good reviews/getting promoted. Which stirs up all the insecurities in me. I started feeling like a failure: I ran away from Google because I couldn't hack it. The saner part of me knows that's false/screwed up in many ways. But there it is, still feeling it a bit.
I felt nervous for two reasons. One, I didn't want the kids to fail and feel terrible about themselves. Two, if they all failed, I'd feel responsible; it's because I'm a bad teacher, etc.
Well, things went really well overall. The smarty smart kids averaged like high 90's, many scores over 100 (there was extra credit). The normally normal kids did reasonably well. Generally better than I expected. And I feel like the scores pretty accurately reflected how I feel the kids are doing in the class; in general.
There were some outliers in both directions. On the positive side, some kids did way better than they expected. Two of 'em I wanted to smack (just kidding, police people) because they had been acting like total goofballs in class, then they go and ace the test. Some kids in my resource class (extra class for those who need some more help) got A's, I was so happy for them.
On the sad side, some kids who generally have been working really hard still did terrible. For some people, numbers are just really, really confusing.
In other news, I have been to Google a lot to play volleyball. This is fun, good exercise and all, but I feel like it's probably psychologically unhealthy. Like continuing to hang out with your ex after you've broken up. Some part of me still wants to belong there. Worse, somehow performance reviews have come up in conversation the past few times I've been there. In both cases the person talking was getting good reviews/getting promoted. Which stirs up all the insecurities in me. I started feeling like a failure: I ran away from Google because I couldn't hack it. The saner part of me knows that's false/screwed up in many ways. But there it is, still feeling it a bit.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Fail!
1. "Fail" is the best new slang I have picked up from school. When someone screws up in a public and embarrassing way, people say "Fail!". E.g. when I call a kid by the wrong name. Or when someone tries to throw a piece of paper into the garbage can from far away and they miss. A useful phrase.
2. They have their first test coming up next week and I am freaking out. I gave a quiz on Thurs/Fri which I thought was a gift, a cakewalk. Scores were just terrible. And I realized this test is not going to be pretty, a lot of the kids are going to tank. So Friday I wound up in this terrible mood, all hostile and angry as I try to get the kids to pay attention, prep for the test, get their late work in, etc. Had my first episode of sending someone to the principal's office.
And I realized after work: I need to let them fail. I am making myself nuts trying to prevent them from failing, and they, with their animal cunning, smell that on me and will let me carry them. For those who are not trying, not pushing themselves, not making best use of the resources they have, they need to fail. I am not helping them by trying to drag/push/shove them along. The best thing I can do is let them experience the natural consequences of their actions (failure) so they can decide if they want to behave differently.
Fail!
2. They have their first test coming up next week and I am freaking out. I gave a quiz on Thurs/Fri which I thought was a gift, a cakewalk. Scores were just terrible. And I realized this test is not going to be pretty, a lot of the kids are going to tank. So Friday I wound up in this terrible mood, all hostile and angry as I try to get the kids to pay attention, prep for the test, get their late work in, etc. Had my first episode of sending someone to the principal's office.
And I realized after work: I need to let them fail. I am making myself nuts trying to prevent them from failing, and they, with their animal cunning, smell that on me and will let me carry them. For those who are not trying, not pushing themselves, not making best use of the resources they have, they need to fail. I am not helping them by trying to drag/push/shove them along. The best thing I can do is let them experience the natural consequences of their actions (failure) so they can decide if they want to behave differently.
Fail!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
This is not easy
So today the vice principal sat in on one of my classes (at my request). Unfortunately it was one of the worst classes I had. We spent a lot of the time covering old stuff: doing a warm-up exercise, going over a quiz, going over some questions from the homework we were collecting. By the time all of that was done, more than half the class time was used up.
So I had to really rush the new stuff I wanted to teach. Which means it probably went by too fast, and I will be getting back a bunch of bad/confused homework.
So I need to be more merciless about the upfront time in class: strict limit of 1/2 hour to do any sort of backwards-looking thing. Better to answer questions *before* they have to do homework on it, instead of after.
On the good news side, I instituted my points competition, and so far it's working well. The kids definitely get it, and care. And the peer pressure is effective: you do *not* want to be the kid who costs the class 10 points by not having his book.
Played "questions" during a break with the resource class, that was fun. All the classic 'questions' types: the one who can't help answering the questions, the one who just laughs at every question, etc.
I had this really scary moment today in class, can't even quite put it into words. Just realizing this is it, this is real. This will not speed in by in 2 hours and end with inspiring music as all the kids do well. This is a job, 40 hours a week, and I'm in it for a year. Some part of me knew that, but the reality really sunk in.
So I had to really rush the new stuff I wanted to teach. Which means it probably went by too fast, and I will be getting back a bunch of bad/confused homework.
So I need to be more merciless about the upfront time in class: strict limit of 1/2 hour to do any sort of backwards-looking thing. Better to answer questions *before* they have to do homework on it, instead of after.
On the good news side, I instituted my points competition, and so far it's working well. The kids definitely get it, and care. And the peer pressure is effective: you do *not* want to be the kid who costs the class 10 points by not having his book.
Played "questions" during a break with the resource class, that was fun. All the classic 'questions' types: the one who can't help answering the questions, the one who just laughs at every question, etc.
I had this really scary moment today in class, can't even quite put it into words. Just realizing this is it, this is real. This will not speed in by in 2 hours and end with inspiring music as all the kids do well. This is a job, 40 hours a week, and I'm in it for a year. Some part of me knew that, but the reality really sunk in.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Pi is the loneliest number
Had this insight in the middle of last week: I am alone in here with a bunch of kids. They kind of look like adults but they are much, much, much younger than me. We are not peers. They are not my friends. They see me as I saw my teachers: it only barely registers that I exist outside the classroom.
And then I was able to put a finger on something I've been feeling since school started: it's lonely teaching. You spend the day with all these kids, who are people-but-not-friends, or doing stuff alone (grading/planning/etc.). You see some peers for maybe 30 minutes over lunch. And at Eastside these are great people: the other teachers are smart, cool, funny lively folks. But 30 minutes is not very much. And most of the conversations is dominated by those rotten kids. So I can go through a whole day without really having any kind of adult conversation; what's up in your life, how are you feeling about this or that, etc.
So I realize I need to be more deliberate about this. Number one, making the most of opportunities to connect with the other teachers at work. Number two, planning time to just hang with friends outside of work, and really guarding that time (that last bit is key).
In other news, we had the parents night where they all came by and I briefly explained the class to the parents and gave them my contact info. It was very interesting to meet the parents of these kids. And you feel like you have this ally now: I had some conversations with some of the kids who were not really putting out much effort. In one case while the kid was sitting right there listening. Ha ha, sucker, busted. Even better: I'd told the kids to get a protractor, and mde it a homework assignment. By the time of the teacher conference the assignment was like a week old and some kids still hadn't done it. One parent came to me and said "Do I really need to go out and get him a protractor tonight?". I explained that no, doesn't HAVE to be tonight, but they've had the assignment for a week and really should get it done. She thanked me very politely and headed out the door. Then from outside I hear "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS FOR A WHOLE WEEK!?!?!"
And then I was able to put a finger on something I've been feeling since school started: it's lonely teaching. You spend the day with all these kids, who are people-but-not-friends, or doing stuff alone (grading/planning/etc.). You see some peers for maybe 30 minutes over lunch. And at Eastside these are great people: the other teachers are smart, cool, funny lively folks. But 30 minutes is not very much. And most of the conversations is dominated by those rotten kids. So I can go through a whole day without really having any kind of adult conversation; what's up in your life, how are you feeling about this or that, etc.
So I realize I need to be more deliberate about this. Number one, making the most of opportunities to connect with the other teachers at work. Number two, planning time to just hang with friends outside of work, and really guarding that time (that last bit is key).
In other news, we had the parents night where they all came by and I briefly explained the class to the parents and gave them my contact info. It was very interesting to meet the parents of these kids. And you feel like you have this ally now: I had some conversations with some of the kids who were not really putting out much effort. In one case while the kid was sitting right there listening. Ha ha, sucker, busted. Even better: I'd told the kids to get a protractor, and mde it a homework assignment. By the time of the teacher conference the assignment was like a week old and some kids still hadn't done it. One parent came to me and said "Do I really need to go out and get him a protractor tonight?". I explained that no, doesn't HAVE to be tonight, but they've had the assignment for a week and really should get it done. She thanked me very politely and headed out the door. Then from outside I hear "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS FOR A WHOLE WEEK!?!?!"
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Meaner
One of the students stayed late yesterday and interviewed me for the school paper. She was asking why I left Google. An excellent question. I answered best I could.
She then told me that the students were taking advantage of my newness, and I should be 'meaner'. Ok, I'm down.
So starting today I am going to start tracking 'participation', i.e. classroom behavior, as part of their grade. I like the idea of using that to motivate them (my first class certainly responded). But I am not so happy about having another stream of data to track.
She then told me that the students were taking advantage of my newness, and I should be 'meaner'. Ok, I'm down.
So starting today I am going to start tracking 'participation', i.e. classroom behavior, as part of their grade. I like the idea of using that to motivate them (my first class certainly responded). But I am not so happy about having another stream of data to track.
Monday, August 31, 2009
And failures
End of the week was rough.
I gave them a quiz which several people really tanked on. (On which several people really tanked?)
I had a good-size gang staying late on Friday night (Eastside has a policy that you stay late on Friday to do any undone homework.)
And I was just exhausted by the end of the week. I went to hang out with friends on Friday night and I wound up literally lying on the floor. I finally just went home and went to bed. At 9:30 PM. On a Friday.
The following day (Saturday) I spent the day moving between couch, bed, and kitchen. I finally went out for a date in the evening. I'd told myself I'd have this industrious weekend of housework and exercise and whatnot but basically I just collapsed.
All of which scares me a bit. I have just barely started the school year (end of 2nd week) and already I am dead dead tired. Yikes.
I gave them a quiz which several people really tanked on. (On which several people really tanked?)
I had a good-size gang staying late on Friday night (Eastside has a policy that you stay late on Friday to do any undone homework.)
And I was just exhausted by the end of the week. I went to hang out with friends on Friday night and I wound up literally lying on the floor. I finally just went home and went to bed. At 9:30 PM. On a Friday.
The following day (Saturday) I spent the day moving between couch, bed, and kitchen. I finally went out for a date in the evening. I'd told myself I'd have this industrious weekend of housework and exercise and whatnot but basically I just collapsed.
All of which scares me a bit. I have just barely started the school year (end of 2nd week) and already I am dead dead tired. Yikes.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Victories
Today was the kind of day I hoped for as a teacher. 2 conversations with different kids who seemed to have some attitude problems, got that worked out. I'd hurt the feelings of one of them, so I got to apologize. The other was frustrated with herself that she wasn't getting things better, and I encouraged her to not be so hard on herself.
Yesterday I spent a good chunk of tutorial working with one student who had generally been doing lousy. Today on a quiz he got 90%. Today I sat with several more students during tutorial and we went over old homework. I felt like I saw the light go on, they got it.
I've started using the gym at the school. For a high school gym it's reasonably well equipped. Missing a squat rack, mixed blessing. I hate squats but they are a good exercise. It's creepy being in there alone, never worked out in an empty gym before. The main downer is the men's locker room is actively nasty.
I realize I will need to stay vigilant on the issue of not worrying about stuff. The future, what next, how am I doing as a teacher, money, keeping up with tech, etc. I catch myself slipping into that more this week. Had lunch with a good friend who was very encouraging, reminding me how important it is to just enjoy this time as it is, live in the now. Good to have friends like her.
Yesterday I spent a good chunk of tutorial working with one student who had generally been doing lousy. Today on a quiz he got 90%. Today I sat with several more students during tutorial and we went over old homework. I felt like I saw the light go on, they got it.
I've started using the gym at the school. For a high school gym it's reasonably well equipped. Missing a squat rack, mixed blessing. I hate squats but they are a good exercise. It's creepy being in there alone, never worked out in an empty gym before. The main downer is the men's locker room is actively nasty.
I realize I will need to stay vigilant on the issue of not worrying about stuff. The future, what next, how am I doing as a teacher, money, keeping up with tech, etc. I catch myself slipping into that more this week. Had lunch with a good friend who was very encouraging, reminding me how important it is to just enjoy this time as it is, live in the now. Good to have friends like her.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Manic Monday
On Monday we have 10 periods, each 45 min long. That is very very short, it's hard to get anything done.
I used a break to go buy some stuff. Dark socks, dowels (to represent lines) and red pens to grade with.
Graded a homework where everyone in the class got one section wrong. I feel bad, guess I didn't teach that so well.
Tonight I went to the dowm dinner, where the dorm kids dress up and invite teachers as their guests. It was awesome, the experience I've been waiting for. To just connect with them as people, talk, eat, play games. Now more than ever I want to start an improv club.
I used a break to go buy some stuff. Dark socks, dowels (to represent lines) and red pens to grade with.
Graded a homework where everyone in the class got one section wrong. I feel bad, guess I didn't teach that so well.
Tonight I went to the dowm dinner, where the dorm kids dress up and invite teachers as their guests. It was awesome, the experience I've been waiting for. To just connect with them as people, talk, eat, play games. Now more than ever I want to start an improv club.
Friday, August 21, 2009
In deep after one week
So here I am at the end of one week. Hip deep in quizzes, homeworks, attendance, and lesson plans.
Today another math teacher sat in on my class and left me with several pages of notes. Overall she was very encouraging with lots of positive feedback and some very helpful suggestions on how to keep them more engaged, and tips on how to ask questions so that they don't check out (e.g. don't say "Joe, tell me what coplanar means", say "Who knows what coplanar means.... Joe", because the first gives all the non-Joes a cue to check out).
Some endearing moments from the day:
A student is transferring out of one of my tutorial classes (kind of like study hall), and she came to talk to me to make sure I understood it was a health issue (she wanted to take gym) and not that she didn't like me: she didn't want to hurt my feelings.
Another student made a comment today how she used to feel smart, but now at this school she feels dumb. That bothered me because she is a very sharp girl with a lot on the ball, and a leader of the class (strong character, her tone influences things). I tracked her down afterwards and told her that she's awesome and she's being too hard on herself, this is hard, she's gotta be more patient with things. I hope that registered with her.
I never realized how painful it is to grade stuff. Not the monotony (although that's bad). But watching people make stupid stupid mistakes. Like you know they know this stuff, then they get the problem wrong because they drop a minus sign or they forget to include the units (cm or whatever). Part of me wants to cut them a break and give them credit for trying, but I want to prepare them for the merciless cruel world out there, where things need to be precise, especially when it comes to math.
Today another math teacher sat in on my class and left me with several pages of notes. Overall she was very encouraging with lots of positive feedback and some very helpful suggestions on how to keep them more engaged, and tips on how to ask questions so that they don't check out (e.g. don't say "Joe, tell me what coplanar means", say "Who knows what coplanar means.... Joe", because the first gives all the non-Joes a cue to check out).
Some endearing moments from the day:
A student is transferring out of one of my tutorial classes (kind of like study hall), and she came to talk to me to make sure I understood it was a health issue (she wanted to take gym) and not that she didn't like me: she didn't want to hurt my feelings.
Another student made a comment today how she used to feel smart, but now at this school she feels dumb. That bothered me because she is a very sharp girl with a lot on the ball, and a leader of the class (strong character, her tone influences things). I tracked her down afterwards and told her that she's awesome and she's being too hard on herself, this is hard, she's gotta be more patient with things. I hope that registered with her.
I never realized how painful it is to grade stuff. Not the monotony (although that's bad). But watching people make stupid stupid mistakes. Like you know they know this stuff, then they get the problem wrong because they drop a minus sign or they forget to include the units (cm or whatever). Part of me wants to cut them a break and give them credit for trying, but I want to prepare them for the merciless cruel world out there, where things need to be precise, especially when it comes to math.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Survey Says....
I gave the kids a survey to get to know a bit about them (copied the survey from the previous teacher, thank you Dan).
Some of the answers are pretty interesting.
One question is about favorite snacks. Winner by a large margin: Hot Cheetos. I don't even know what those are. Good job to the Hot Cheetos people, you have successfully penetrated the 9th-10th grader market.
On the question "What can a teacher do to help you be more successful":
"They talk in a calm, slow voice that's strangely alive".
On the question about snacks:
"Chocolate. No Hershey's because slaves pick their coa-coa beans."
On the question "What interests do you have outside of Geometry?":
"I like playing my bass, watching tv, star gazing, and those tiny cocktail weenies."
Some of the answers are pretty interesting.
One question is about favorite snacks. Winner by a large margin: Hot Cheetos. I don't even know what those are. Good job to the Hot Cheetos people, you have successfully penetrated the 9th-10th grader market.
On the question "What can a teacher do to help you be more successful":
"They talk in a calm, slow voice that's strangely alive".
On the question about snacks:
"Chocolate. No Hershey's because slaves pick their coa-coa beans."
On the question "What interests do you have outside of Geometry?":
"I like playing my bass, watching tv, star gazing, and those tiny cocktail weenies."
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Actually teaching
Today was the first time I actually taught something (yesterday was more adminstration details and get-to-know-you games). We talked about deductive and inductive reasoning, and about points, lines, and planes.
I never realized how hard all this is. On the one hand I want to just talk to them, not read definitions and random facts. On the other hand, if I just freestyle, I am likely to miss key points that I am supposed to get across. I resorted to reading a paragraph off a page at one point, and I felt so bad afterwards, like they have got to be bored out of their minds.
I have a small iron and glass gumball machine on my desk, which I have filled with Skittles. This machine is proving to be very very popular. I think I am going to use it as bribery: you get some at the end of the class if you behave.
I gave them some surveys, general questions about life, school, etc., on the first day, and I got the first batch of those back today. My favorite was the part where I asked who they work well with and who they don't work well with (either because they talk too much or they fight or whatever). Fascinating little graph of the lives and loves of the students at Eastside.
Gave them a little 'exit slip' quiz with a few questions from the day's lesson. Looks like I need to emphasize that when you are talking about a line by naming the points on it, e..g. line AB, you need to draw the little line with two arrow heads over the letters (I don't know how to type that). Most of them didn't pick that up.
I never realized how hard all this is. On the one hand I want to just talk to them, not read definitions and random facts. On the other hand, if I just freestyle, I am likely to miss key points that I am supposed to get across. I resorted to reading a paragraph off a page at one point, and I felt so bad afterwards, like they have got to be bored out of their minds.
I have a small iron and glass gumball machine on my desk, which I have filled with Skittles. This machine is proving to be very very popular. I think I am going to use it as bribery: you get some at the end of the class if you behave.
I gave them some surveys, general questions about life, school, etc., on the first day, and I got the first batch of those back today. My favorite was the part where I asked who they work well with and who they don't work well with (either because they talk too much or they fight or whatever). Fascinating little graph of the lives and loves of the students at Eastside.
Gave them a little 'exit slip' quiz with a few questions from the day's lesson. Looks like I need to emphasize that when you are talking about a line by naming the points on it, e..g. line AB, you need to draw the little line with two arrow heads over the letters (I don't know how to type that). Most of them didn't pick that up.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Reflections on the first day
Got through the first day. Kind of.
I went in sick, conflicted about that. I don't want to infect everyone else, but I really really didn't want to miss the first day. Since all my teaching is in the AM, it worked out so I could do all of those, then leave early; the vice principal covered my last section, which is a study hall.
The kids are just great. All fun, friendly, eager to learn. This one student already has my heart: math is clearly not her natural strength, but she is so positive and determined and eager to learn. I really want her to succeed.
And I already have a quote on my quote board, from one of the students:
"Shhh. Listen to Doug"
Words to live by.
I went in sick, conflicted about that. I don't want to infect everyone else, but I really really didn't want to miss the first day. Since all my teaching is in the AM, it worked out so I could do all of those, then leave early; the vice principal covered my last section, which is a study hall.
The kids are just great. All fun, friendly, eager to learn. This one student already has my heart: math is clearly not her natural strength, but she is so positive and determined and eager to learn. I really want her to succeed.
And I already have a quote on my quote board, from one of the students:
"Shhh. Listen to Doug"
Words to live by.
Whoops
The title of the blog is incorrect. Kids here call teachers by their first names. Which seems kind of fresh to me (fresh = saucy, not cool). But I don't want to rock the boat.
Survived my first 3 periods. I am wearing a new pink shirt and anti-perspirant notwithstanding I am sweating like crazy. Which really shows up on a pink shirt.
I found out that I actually have 2 periods T-R and 4 W-F. So Tues & Thurs I have classes from 8 to 9:30 and then 3:30 to 5. I could almost get another part-time job those days. I think I will be able to spend some serious time on outside projects. We'll see.
Survived my first 3 periods. I am wearing a new pink shirt and anti-perspirant notwithstanding I am sweating like crazy. Which really shows up on a pink shirt.
I found out that I actually have 2 periods T-R and 4 W-F. So Tues & Thurs I have classes from 8 to 9:30 and then 3:30 to 5. I could almost get another part-time job those days. I think I will be able to spend some serious time on outside projects. We'll see.
Friday, August 14, 2009
A Googler no more
Had my exit interview today with Google. Turned in my laptop, badge, etc. and got a sheaf of paperwork. Also had a nice chance to vent on why I was leaving, what I didn't like, etc.
Complaining, my favorite thing.
Had my last lunch there just prior. Chicken, beef, samosas, veg stir fry, chocolate cupcakes. I will really, really miss that.
Something suddenly clicked yesterday with all the prep work. I realized I can do this. I know how to make copies, how to use the computers, the overhead projector, how to get supplies, etc. This will be ok.
Today the kids were moving into the dorms. Seems so cool, I want to move in too.
I brought some of my favorite board games to keep in my classroom (settlers, cosmic encounter). I know it's not what I'm sposed to be doing, but I'd love to teach the kids to play.
Complaining, my favorite thing.
Had my last lunch there just prior. Chicken, beef, samosas, veg stir fry, chocolate cupcakes. I will really, really miss that.
Something suddenly clicked yesterday with all the prep work. I realized I can do this. I know how to make copies, how to use the computers, the overhead projector, how to get supplies, etc. This will be ok.
Today the kids were moving into the dorms. Seems so cool, I want to move in too.
I brought some of my favorite board games to keep in my classroom (settlers, cosmic encounter). I know it's not what I'm sposed to be doing, but I'd love to teach the kids to play.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Staff Development Day 1
Today was the first day of staff development, a series of meetings with all the teachers to gear up for the school year.
I started the year off by setting off the alarm. Whoops. Good news is that led to meeting people really fast.
The other teachers are all great, very fun and likeable and helpful. Very supportive and encouraging to me.
It was funny to hear them talk and gossip about all the kids. They know who's smart, who's lazy, who's a flirt, etc.
Plenty of the 'classic me' popped up today, especially competitiveness. Teachers would speak highly of this or that other teacher and I'd feel all threatened. It seems so ridiculous when I write it down like that, but the feeling is sure strong.
Some degree of OMG when I think of all the remaining details, little things that need to be done before Monday. With a little perspective I know they will all get done and I will be fine.
I started the year off by setting off the alarm. Whoops. Good news is that led to meeting people really fast.
The other teachers are all great, very fun and likeable and helpful. Very supportive and encouraging to me.
It was funny to hear them talk and gossip about all the kids. They know who's smart, who's lazy, who's a flirt, etc.
Plenty of the 'classic me' popped up today, especially competitiveness. Teachers would speak highly of this or that other teacher and I'd feel all threatened. It seems so ridiculous when I write it down like that, but the feeling is sure strong.
Some degree of OMG when I think of all the remaining details, little things that need to be done before Monday. With a little perspective I know they will all get done and I will be fine.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Still crazy
Yesterday I went by Eastside to get my official employee packet and talk about my lesson plans, am I on the right track, etc.
Sounds like I am generally OK in terms of planning. I have lessons/handouts/etc. set up for the first two weeks. I need to do a 'grip' of photocopying on Friday but beyond that I think I am all set. I also devised a system of filtering the huge/crazy/unsorted binder into a sane/understood/manageable binder of my own. So I am not as afraid of the giant binders. Still a little afraid: they are massive, heavy, and have a terrible chemical smell.
As does my classroom.
Some emotional rollercoaster moments. Yesterday I learned that the guy I'm replacing left to go do a startup. So we're kind of switching places. He was working in Silicon Valley job, left to teach for 3 years, and now is going back to Silicon Valley job (and, if rumors are to be believed, will ultimately come back to teaching). And another math teacher teaches part time. His other job is with a VC firm.
Both of those little news items stirred up all the mess I am trying to get away from: I should be at a startup, I should be in VC, I should be the Silicon Valley captain, I should be making more money, what am I doing here, blah blah blah. It's kind of surreal having my brain in two places like this: one part deliberately trying to walk away from the "I will prove myself by being a big cheese" and the other part still totally addicted to it. I seem to flip back and forth from moment to moment, and occasionally hold both at the same time.
Another moment like this came today. It looks like the insurance at this new job won't cover my visits to my psychologist. I have been seeing this guy for 2 years, I like and trust him, and he specializes in some things that are otherwise hard to find. So I don't want to just see someone else who happens to be on the plan. Total cost to see this guy for a year: ~13K. That's about a third of my salary.
Again, the split brain. One part of me is very bothered by this, feels like I did something stupid, why did you leave a company that covered some of this for one that doesn't. And the other part of me can look at it more objectively: this is not now and never was about money. You can afford to cover this out of savings.
I am crazy urgent to just get to the part with the kids. Enough with the planning, the money, the forms, etc. I think this will all make a lot more sense once I have the names and faces of the kids I am going to work with.
I am also pretty sure I am going to start an Improv club at the school. If I have to deal with kids in a strict, do-your-work mode for most of the time, it would really help me out to have just a little time each week to play with them, to do something totally silly & fun.
Went by Nordstroms Rack & got 2 belts, 2 pairs of pants, 2 shirts, and a pair of shoes for $200. Not bad, I think.
The belt bit was kind of humorous: I had gone to the gym and forgotten to pack a belt. The jeans I packed were very baggy. Right after I went to Eastside to talk with the Vice Principal, and I only realized this was a problem once we were walking around campus: my pants would totally fall down if I did not hold them up. So I had to do this weird pants grab the whole time.
Sounds like I am generally OK in terms of planning. I have lessons/handouts/etc. set up for the first two weeks. I need to do a 'grip' of photocopying on Friday but beyond that I think I am all set. I also devised a system of filtering the huge/crazy/unsorted binder into a sane/understood/manageable binder of my own. So I am not as afraid of the giant binders. Still a little afraid: they are massive, heavy, and have a terrible chemical smell.
As does my classroom.
Some emotional rollercoaster moments. Yesterday I learned that the guy I'm replacing left to go do a startup. So we're kind of switching places. He was working in Silicon Valley job, left to teach for 3 years, and now is going back to Silicon Valley job (and, if rumors are to be believed, will ultimately come back to teaching). And another math teacher teaches part time. His other job is with a VC firm.
Both of those little news items stirred up all the mess I am trying to get away from: I should be at a startup, I should be in VC, I should be the Silicon Valley captain, I should be making more money, what am I doing here, blah blah blah. It's kind of surreal having my brain in two places like this: one part deliberately trying to walk away from the "I will prove myself by being a big cheese" and the other part still totally addicted to it. I seem to flip back and forth from moment to moment, and occasionally hold both at the same time.
Another moment like this came today. It looks like the insurance at this new job won't cover my visits to my psychologist. I have been seeing this guy for 2 years, I like and trust him, and he specializes in some things that are otherwise hard to find. So I don't want to just see someone else who happens to be on the plan. Total cost to see this guy for a year: ~13K. That's about a third of my salary.
Again, the split brain. One part of me is very bothered by this, feels like I did something stupid, why did you leave a company that covered some of this for one that doesn't. And the other part of me can look at it more objectively: this is not now and never was about money. You can afford to cover this out of savings.
I am crazy urgent to just get to the part with the kids. Enough with the planning, the money, the forms, etc. I think this will all make a lot more sense once I have the names and faces of the kids I am going to work with.
I am also pretty sure I am going to start an Improv club at the school. If I have to deal with kids in a strict, do-your-work mode for most of the time, it would really help me out to have just a little time each week to play with them, to do something totally silly & fun.
Went by Nordstroms Rack & got 2 belts, 2 pairs of pants, 2 shirts, and a pair of shoes for $200. Not bad, I think.
The belt bit was kind of humorous: I had gone to the gym and forgotten to pack a belt. The jeans I packed were very baggy. Right after I went to Eastside to talk with the Vice Principal, and I only realized this was a problem once we were walking around campus: my pants would totally fall down if I did not hold them up. So I had to do this weird pants grab the whole time.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Classroom
Today is a Saturday. The Vice Principal of the school told me I could come by today to get a look at my room and pick up some materials. The room is nice enough: the whole campus is very new. It reminds me of a JC that just got renovated or something: nice courtyard, new modern-looking buildings, etc.
The classroom is all whiteboards (I guess chalkboards have gone the way of the dodo?).
I got a binder compiled by the former teacher (evidently also a guy who left engineering to teach). It is this huge white beast, reminds me of a phone book. It's packed with lesson plans, overheads, handouts, notes, etc. And this is just one of what looked to be ~12 binders covering the entire year's curriculum.
I looked through the thing and started freaking out a bit. I didn't know if I'm supposed to make my own personalized copy of all this stuff, or just use it as is, or what. Also, the organization is somewhat haphazard: the lesson plans refer to this handout or that overhead, but it's hard to tell exactly which one it means. And for each document there seem to be several copies: one on transparency sheet, one on paper all marked up & scribbled on, and one on paper that's blank. Or multiple editions of the same document. Sometimes scattered around or intermingled with each other. Sometimes before the lesson plan that refers to it, sometimes after, sometimes both.
I sent a panic email to the VP right as she emailed me asking if I had any questions.
Um, yes.
We spoke on the phone and that helped a bit. Bottom line: don't worry about writing a new copy of anything. I should be able to get a soft copy of most things which I can then edit for names/dates/other stuff that doesn't apply. There's no shame in using the homework, overheads, and handouts from last year, especially as I am new to all this. I should just focus on getting my mind around the contents of each day: what are we trying to teach, how do I explain it, what resources in the binder can I use, etc.
Feels a little more approachable.
I noticed there's a Nordstrom's Rack now in East Palo Alto (yahoo!) so I went over there to look for appropriate teacher clothes. In particular I need more non-T-shirt shirts, more non-jeans-or-shorts-pants, and some non-sneaker shoes that don't make me insane by the end of the day (good luck on that last one). Here's what I learned: Nordstrom's Rack offers clothes at a discount from Nordstroms, but not discount clothes. I tried on one nice Armani shirt. Mmm, how much is this. 195. That must be the original price, what's the markdown? Double check, nope, 195 is the markdown from 600 something. I'm sorry, but 600 for a shirt? I'm just going to get mustard on it anyway. For 600 dollars it should like give me a back rub while I'm wearing it or something.
I bought no clothes.
I also experimented with washing my nice dress shirts, which are supposed to be wrinkle-proof. Normally I send them to the cleaners but if I have to wear them all the time that will get expensive. They are not wrinkle-proof. They are wrinkle-prone. They are firmly entrenched in the camp of wrinkliness.
The classroom is all whiteboards (I guess chalkboards have gone the way of the dodo?).
I got a binder compiled by the former teacher (evidently also a guy who left engineering to teach). It is this huge white beast, reminds me of a phone book. It's packed with lesson plans, overheads, handouts, notes, etc. And this is just one of what looked to be ~12 binders covering the entire year's curriculum.
I looked through the thing and started freaking out a bit. I didn't know if I'm supposed to make my own personalized copy of all this stuff, or just use it as is, or what. Also, the organization is somewhat haphazard: the lesson plans refer to this handout or that overhead, but it's hard to tell exactly which one it means. And for each document there seem to be several copies: one on transparency sheet, one on paper all marked up & scribbled on, and one on paper that's blank. Or multiple editions of the same document. Sometimes scattered around or intermingled with each other. Sometimes before the lesson plan that refers to it, sometimes after, sometimes both.
I sent a panic email to the VP right as she emailed me asking if I had any questions.
Um, yes.
We spoke on the phone and that helped a bit. Bottom line: don't worry about writing a new copy of anything. I should be able to get a soft copy of most things which I can then edit for names/dates/other stuff that doesn't apply. There's no shame in using the homework, overheads, and handouts from last year, especially as I am new to all this. I should just focus on getting my mind around the contents of each day: what are we trying to teach, how do I explain it, what resources in the binder can I use, etc.
Feels a little more approachable.
I noticed there's a Nordstrom's Rack now in East Palo Alto (yahoo!) so I went over there to look for appropriate teacher clothes. In particular I need more non-T-shirt shirts, more non-jeans-or-shorts-pants, and some non-sneaker shoes that don't make me insane by the end of the day (good luck on that last one). Here's what I learned: Nordstrom's Rack offers clothes at a discount from Nordstroms, but not discount clothes. I tried on one nice Armani shirt. Mmm, how much is this. 195. That must be the original price, what's the markdown? Double check, nope, 195 is the markdown from 600 something. I'm sorry, but 600 for a shirt? I'm just going to get mustard on it anyway. For 600 dollars it should like give me a back rub while I'm wearing it or something.
I bought no clothes.
I also experimented with washing my nice dress shirts, which are supposed to be wrinkle-proof. Normally I send them to the cleaners but if I have to wear them all the time that will get expensive. They are not wrinkle-proof. They are wrinkle-prone. They are firmly entrenched in the camp of wrinkliness.
Friday, August 7, 2009
A fine final day
Today was my last day at Google.
Up late, exercise, work. Ate breakfast at work while reading Ecclesiastes (took my own advice). Eggs, bagels, bacon. It occurred to me that bagels & bacon might somehow be contrary to the spirit and tradition of bagels, what with the kosher thing and all, but it's delicious so too bad.
Did about an hour of random email, tried to start a new project (moving text from code to a dictionary so it can be internationalized, every bit as exciting as it sounds). Went for a run/prayer, that was very nice. I remember when I interviewed at Google taking a walk on the hills overlooking the campus and praying that I'd get a job there. Felt strange to run over those same hills 5 years later thinking of everything that has happened since.
Lunch with non-Google friends. I warned them that the orange salsa is very very hot, not to be trifled with. They did not listen. It is a cruel, slow-moving burn, and you only really get the worst of it once it's safely in your belly. But I got karmic payback: a few minutes after laughing at them I somehow got a stray pepper from otherwise mild salsa and just about cried.
In the afternoon I actually did a complete little mini-project, soup to nuts. I was showing a fellow who will be taking over for me some of the code. We added a button to dump the contents of some web page to a csv file, wrote tests for it, etc. So it wasn't an entirely boondoggly last day.
Finally met with some friends at a local bar called the Sports Page. They should call it the "I Quit Google" bar because the only time I hear of people going there is when they quit Google and invite friends there for a farewell.
I generally got a lot of love today: people coming out to the bar (many from my former team, the Book Search Posse, a fine fine group), gifts (several chocolate bars, two bound with a ribbon of paper clips, "because you'll need office supplies"), and some really nice encouraging emails. For example:
Up late, exercise, work. Ate breakfast at work while reading Ecclesiastes (took my own advice). Eggs, bagels, bacon. It occurred to me that bagels & bacon might somehow be contrary to the spirit and tradition of bagels, what with the kosher thing and all, but it's delicious so too bad.
Did about an hour of random email, tried to start a new project (moving text from code to a dictionary so it can be internationalized, every bit as exciting as it sounds). Went for a run/prayer, that was very nice. I remember when I interviewed at Google taking a walk on the hills overlooking the campus and praying that I'd get a job there. Felt strange to run over those same hills 5 years later thinking of everything that has happened since.
Lunch with non-Google friends. I warned them that the orange salsa is very very hot, not to be trifled with. They did not listen. It is a cruel, slow-moving burn, and you only really get the worst of it once it's safely in your belly. But I got karmic payback: a few minutes after laughing at them I somehow got a stray pepper from otherwise mild salsa and just about cried.
In the afternoon I actually did a complete little mini-project, soup to nuts. I was showing a fellow who will be taking over for me some of the code. We added a button to dump the contents of some web page to a csv file, wrote tests for it, etc. So it wasn't an entirely boondoggly last day.
Finally met with some friends at a local bar called the Sports Page. They should call it the "I Quit Google" bar because the only time I hear of people going there is when they quit Google and invite friends there for a farewell.
I generally got a lot of love today: people coming out to the bar (many from my former team, the Book Search Posse, a fine fine group), gifts (several chocolate bars, two bound with a ribbon of paper clips, "because you'll need office supplies"), and some really nice encouraging emails. For example:
"Anyone who leaves the lucrative high-tech industry to go into teaching has my respect. But someone who leaves a job at Google to teach underprivileged kids has my supreme admiration."In general, people have been so cool about this. Parents, bosses, co-workers, financial advisors, friends, all are giving me a big thumbs up. Which really means a lot to me. Go, team!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
So hard to say goodbye to yesterday
So today was the penultimate day at Google.
I just said 'penultimate'.
Before work I went by S & S (financial advisors) to talk about the financial impact of this change. We pulled the past few months of bank statements into Quicken and took a look at where the money has been going.
Quick side note: if you've never done this, it's a fascinating and humbling exercise. Get a bank check card, use it for all your purchases for a few months. Then hit the intuit site and get Quicken connected to your bank account (I always assumed that this cost something, but it's free). Quicken can detect the type of purchase for most things and you get this pie graph of of your expenses by category.
Anyway, the bottom line of the S & S meeting was "you will need to draw on savings and/or cut your expenses." Already in the works: cancel gym membership ($55/month), raise rent for all of my room-mates (extra $150/month), and rescale charitable contributions (10 percent of new salary is much less than 10 percent of old salary).
Work was pleasant. Played my last game of sand volleyball (played tolerable, many shanked passes). Did a bit of actual engineering work. Went to my last team meeting, they had a nice cake and card for me.
But overall I found myself feeling really sad at work. It took a while to sort out what it was. It's realizing that I don't matter. Monday people will get up and go to work at Google and do their thing and their lives will go on and I won't be there. You want to think you're important, you're needed, etc., but as I hand over the knowledge about my projects and watch my tasks get re-assigned to other people, I realize life will go on. Life at Google will go on without me, the world doesn't grind to a halt because I'm not there.
I know this shouldn't be news, but I am a ridiculously selfish person so this is kind of freaking me out.
Reminds me of my favorite book in the Bible, Ecclesiastes (an excellent read, even if your are not religious - *especially* if you are not religious). It's a rumination on all this: we keep busy with our little projects and they fill our time, but ultimately it's all meaningless, "a chasing after the wind". Trying to find meaning in life through work is a fool's game.
I had dinner with some friends and we got to talking about all this. One expressed how he was totally happy at Google, liked the perks, liked the work, not going anywhere. And I found myself feeling envious of him. I want to be content. I have all this great stuff at Google and I can't enjoy it because I want more, I need what that guy has, I need my job to make me feel important (Ecclesiastes also has a lot to say about envy as a motivator).
Which brought me back to why I am doing this: to change my attitude about work. Maybe I can starve the greed/envy/competition motivation long enough to get in touch with other, better values.
In other less philosophical news: I found out my schedule today. I will have classes most of the day on Monday. Tues and Thurs I teach a class 8-9:30 and another 11:20 - 12:50, then tutoring 3:30 - 5. Weds and Fri it's 8 to 9:30 and 9:45 to 11:15, and again tutoring 3:30 -5:00.
The principal gave me this info a phone message, which I found very funny somehow. At Google nobody, NOBODY, communicates using phone messages. One guy's entire voicemail message is a spiel explaining he will never, ever, ever listen to the message you are leaving.
I just said 'penultimate'.
Before work I went by S & S (financial advisors) to talk about the financial impact of this change. We pulled the past few months of bank statements into Quicken and took a look at where the money has been going.
Quick side note: if you've never done this, it's a fascinating and humbling exercise. Get a bank check card, use it for all your purchases for a few months. Then hit the intuit site and get Quicken connected to your bank account (I always assumed that this cost something, but it's free). Quicken can detect the type of purchase for most things and you get this pie graph of of your expenses by category.
Anyway, the bottom line of the S & S meeting was "you will need to draw on savings and/or cut your expenses." Already in the works: cancel gym membership ($55/month), raise rent for all of my room-mates (extra $150/month), and rescale charitable contributions (10 percent of new salary is much less than 10 percent of old salary).
Work was pleasant. Played my last game of sand volleyball (played tolerable, many shanked passes). Did a bit of actual engineering work. Went to my last team meeting, they had a nice cake and card for me.
But overall I found myself feeling really sad at work. It took a while to sort out what it was. It's realizing that I don't matter. Monday people will get up and go to work at Google and do their thing and their lives will go on and I won't be there. You want to think you're important, you're needed, etc., but as I hand over the knowledge about my projects and watch my tasks get re-assigned to other people, I realize life will go on. Life at Google will go on without me, the world doesn't grind to a halt because I'm not there.
I know this shouldn't be news, but I am a ridiculously selfish person so this is kind of freaking me out.
Reminds me of my favorite book in the Bible, Ecclesiastes (an excellent read, even if your are not religious - *especially* if you are not religious). It's a rumination on all this: we keep busy with our little projects and they fill our time, but ultimately it's all meaningless, "a chasing after the wind". Trying to find meaning in life through work is a fool's game.
I had dinner with some friends and we got to talking about all this. One expressed how he was totally happy at Google, liked the perks, liked the work, not going anywhere. And I found myself feeling envious of him. I want to be content. I have all this great stuff at Google and I can't enjoy it because I want more, I need what that guy has, I need my job to make me feel important (Ecclesiastes also has a lot to say about envy as a motivator).
Which brought me back to why I am doing this: to change my attitude about work. Maybe I can starve the greed/envy/competition motivation long enough to get in touch with other, better values.
In other less philosophical news: I found out my schedule today. I will have classes most of the day on Monday. Tues and Thurs I teach a class 8-9:30 and another 11:20 - 12:50, then tutoring 3:30 - 5. Weds and Fri it's 8 to 9:30 and 9:45 to 11:15, and again tutoring 3:30 -5:00.
The principal gave me this info a phone message, which I found very funny somehow. At Google nobody, NOBODY, communicates using phone messages. One guy's entire voicemail message is a spiel explaining he will never, ever, ever listen to the message you are leaving.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
It begins
Yesterday, after five and a half years at Google and 14 years as a software engineer, I accepted an offer to teach math (geometry) at Eastside Academy in East Palo Alto.
This is probably one of the craziest things I have ever done.
My schedule goes from the casual, show-up-whenever hours of a programmer to the mandatory 8-5 hours at Eastside. I have not had to be at something at 8 PM since I was in high school myself.
My salary drops by more than half.
I have to go buy a new wardrobe of button down shirts, slacks, and dress shoes to replace the t-shirts, jeans, and shorts I've been sporting at work the past few years.
And it's farewell to the various and sundry Google perks: free gourmet meals, bi-weekly volleyball, free drinks, on-site massage, on-site haircuts, on-site dry cleaning.
WHAT AM I THINKING?
The very very short version: at 37 I have a lot of regret about the way I've lived my life. I have lived my life to make other people happy, to earn or deserve love. In that position there's no 'me', no person who has feelings or choices.
That mindset has definitely shaped my career. So recently I found myself sitting with my tech lead hearing about how I was not going to be getting a promotion any time soon, and I just got mad. I started a job search with a kind of petty "Ha ha I'll show you sucker" attitude. But over time, with a lot of conversations and prayers, I realized a few things:
But I settled on teaching.
I've always had a knack for working with kids, and many friends have told me I'd be a great teacher (the guy who ultimately convinced me to pursue teaching right now had always told me I should be the guy who goes to kids' birthday parties and gets them to sing songs. I am not doing that. Yet.)
And when I went looking for teaching positions, Eastside just jumped out at me as the perfect position. The need a math teacher (my undergrad was in math). They need a drama department (I love performing). They need a computer science department (14 years as a programmer, connections all over Silicon Valley). The school serves the unprivileged kids of East Palo Alto, most coming from families where no one has been to college. According to the website, they have placed 100% of their graduates in college.
So I talked to the good people of Eastside, and they decided to give me a shot.
I will spend the rest of this week wrapping things up at Google. All of next week learning to be a teacher (I have taught Sunday School and worked at camps but I have never taught professionally). And I have my first class Aug 17th.
Hooray.
And Yikes.
This is probably one of the craziest things I have ever done.
My schedule goes from the casual, show-up-whenever hours of a programmer to the mandatory 8-5 hours at Eastside. I have not had to be at something at 8 PM since I was in high school myself.
My salary drops by more than half.
I have to go buy a new wardrobe of button down shirts, slacks, and dress shoes to replace the t-shirts, jeans, and shorts I've been sporting at work the past few years.
And it's farewell to the various and sundry Google perks: free gourmet meals, bi-weekly volleyball, free drinks, on-site massage, on-site haircuts, on-site dry cleaning.
WHAT AM I THINKING?
The very very short version: at 37 I have a lot of regret about the way I've lived my life. I have lived my life to make other people happy, to earn or deserve love. In that position there's no 'me', no person who has feelings or choices.
That mindset has definitely shaped my career. So recently I found myself sitting with my tech lead hearing about how I was not going to be getting a promotion any time soon, and I just got mad. I started a job search with a kind of petty "Ha ha I'll show you sucker" attitude. But over time, with a lot of conversations and prayers, I realized a few things:
- After 5 years at Google I can afford to take some time to do whatever I want.
- I went into engineering just because it was safe, but I never really asked myself "What do you want to do?"
- I am not unhappy in engineering because I don't like engineering. I am unhappy in my job, and will be unhappy in any job, because I approach it as "This is a game, money is the score, and I need to win."
- The people whom I envy/admire for going and starting companies and making truckloads of dough are, by and large, not driven by a desire to make money. They are doing what they enjoy, and the money follows. This allows them to take risks, and to fail, and keep going.
But I settled on teaching.
I've always had a knack for working with kids, and many friends have told me I'd be a great teacher (the guy who ultimately convinced me to pursue teaching right now had always told me I should be the guy who goes to kids' birthday parties and gets them to sing songs. I am not doing that. Yet.)
And when I went looking for teaching positions, Eastside just jumped out at me as the perfect position. The need a math teacher (my undergrad was in math). They need a drama department (I love performing). They need a computer science department (14 years as a programmer, connections all over Silicon Valley). The school serves the unprivileged kids of East Palo Alto, most coming from families where no one has been to college. According to the website, they have placed 100% of their graduates in college.
So I talked to the good people of Eastside, and they decided to give me a shot.
I will spend the rest of this week wrapping things up at Google. All of next week learning to be a teacher (I have taught Sunday School and worked at camps but I have never taught professionally). And I have my first class Aug 17th.
Hooray.
And Yikes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
