Kind of jarring experience today.
In the morning I'm grading tests from my students, who are still struggling. These tests were better, but still they are not really 'getting' it. They can memorize rules, but don't really understand what it all means, and easily get confused trying to apply the rules in new settings.
Then I went to Google for volleyball, and was reminded how incredibly sharp the engineers are there. They can design algorthms to manage terrabytes of data, plan out and implement complex distributed software systems, etc. I left Google feeling just dumb: these guys have a mastery of software that I could never get. And along with that felt kind of worthless. I slipped back into the mindset that was making me nuts at Google: there's one metric of worth, it's engineering skill, and I'm not measuring up.
Then back to school. And there was just this weird dissonance. There are so, so many people who don't like math, aren't engineers, will never be good at math, etc. It's so ridiculous to put so much value on it. But still I felt it so strongly, this sense that I need to 'fix' myself by becoming a better engineer.
??!?!?!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Fake Cheese?
OK I know I commented on this earlier, but I just noticed that the ad Google attached to my last post is for "Soy Free Cheese Alternatives".
I can't imagine that that's in any way related to anything I wrote in the post.
And I hate cheese alternatives. That's kind of one of my basic philosophies on life: No cheese alternatives.
And, while I'm on the subject, since I'm sure like a million people are reading this blog and clicking on ads for cheese alternatives and goth dates, where's my cut of the royalties, Google? Mmmm??
I can't imagine that that's in any way related to anything I wrote in the post.
And I hate cheese alternatives. That's kind of one of my basic philosophies on life: No cheese alternatives.
And, while I'm on the subject, since I'm sure like a million people are reading this blog and clicking on ads for cheese alternatives and goth dates, where's my cut of the royalties, Google? Mmmm??
Past and future
Had lunch with former co-workers from Google the other day. Very nice to see them and catch up. It was noteworthy to me what did and didn't come up emotionally for me with this meeting. I can be very sentimental and often when I connect with someone or something from my past I find myself wishing I could go back, re-create that situation.
But while I found that I missed the people, and I could appreciate that the snacks and perks at Google were great, I didn't leave with any sense of "I want to go back" or "I should not have left".
The teaching still unfolds as a daily drama or comedy, depending on the day. I think I am less hyper than I was before, more moderate in my expectations of what I can do or what I can get them to do. But the setbacks and disappointments are more painful somehow because I have really, really tried to strategize and learn from my mistakes, but the overall trend is still down. Test scores down, quizzes down. And so each week I'm like "THIS time we're going to do (insert new strategy) to make sure they are ready for the quizzes and tests", and then I think I'm seeing progress going into the quiz or test, then the grades come back worse than ever.
And as the end of the school year is on the horizon (MAN that went fast) I am thinking more and more about what's next. I think I am going to teach an improv class here in the early months of the summer. Before I exit the scene I'd like to get some time just to do something fun and playful with the kids, without any notion of pass/fail.
And then.... then I don't know. Possibly back to software with just a new perspective. Possibly on to something that's software + X (e.g. sales engineering). Possibily something with an aspect of teaching but more in the corporate space (e.g. professional training). Emu farm?
But while I found that I missed the people, and I could appreciate that the snacks and perks at Google were great, I didn't leave with any sense of "I want to go back" or "I should not have left".
The teaching still unfolds as a daily drama or comedy, depending on the day. I think I am less hyper than I was before, more moderate in my expectations of what I can do or what I can get them to do. But the setbacks and disappointments are more painful somehow because I have really, really tried to strategize and learn from my mistakes, but the overall trend is still down. Test scores down, quizzes down. And so each week I'm like "THIS time we're going to do (insert new strategy) to make sure they are ready for the quizzes and tests", and then I think I'm seeing progress going into the quiz or test, then the grades come back worse than ever.
And as the end of the school year is on the horizon (MAN that went fast) I am thinking more and more about what's next. I think I am going to teach an improv class here in the early months of the summer. Before I exit the scene I'd like to get some time just to do something fun and playful with the kids, without any notion of pass/fail.
And then.... then I don't know. Possibly back to software with just a new perspective. Possibly on to something that's software + X (e.g. sales engineering). Possibily something with an aspect of teaching but more in the corporate space (e.g. professional training). Emu farm?
Monday, March 8, 2010
Crime and Punishment (or not)
Gave some tests on Thurs and Friday.
On Friday one student asked to go out to the bathroom during the test. I feel like an ogre telling someone they can't go to the bathroom, so sure, you can go. A while later I notice he's been gone abnormally long.
I stick my head out the door and I see him with his head in his locker. He immediately slams the door shut and says "I wasn't cheating!".
We talk about it, he claims he was looking for his calculator. I tell him I'll let him finish the test but I'm going to report it to the principal and vice principal. He gets really upset and refuses to finish the test, just throws it on the floor. I let him cool down a bit then put it back on his desk, he finally starts working on it.
The principal comes by before the end of the test (yay email) and pulls him out of class. Principal comes back in a bit later and tells me the student has something to tell me. I step outside and the guy confesses to cheating. My heart just broke: the guy is crying, and seems very very sorry. Not just I'm getting a bad grade sorry, but I'm really ashamed of myself sorry. I dunno if it's appropriate or not but I had to give him a hug, he was just so sad. And he's generally a great kid: doesn't test well but very attentive and interested in class, and just fun and friendly. So it's all just a bummer.
By contrast, there's another student I've had to talk to several times about cheating: two conversations about copied homework and one about pretty blatantly copied answers on the final. No confession, no admitting anything, blanket denial. Each time there's a talk about consequences, don't do this again, blah blah blah. During this lates test I sat her directly in front of me, all alone, so I could prevent any more cheating. I didn't notice anything. But after the class several of her classmates told me they saw her cheating, using a cheat sheet hidden under her test. They said this is rampant: not just Geometry, this is going on in all of her classes.
Because of all the previous fu and the stone-cold denial that she's done anything wrong, I want SO BAD to just bust her, catch her red-handed. I know this is not a good approach to take, and the staff, who have a lot more experience with this, agreed: deliberately trying to catch someone is just setting yourself up for drama, and she is ultimately going to feel really shamed/humiliated in a way that is not productive. Better to have more strict guidelines to prevent cheating, and have more conversations about integrity.
But still, the fantasy of flipping over her test paper and finding a cheat sheet.... Mmmm, sweet sweet revenge....
On Friday one student asked to go out to the bathroom during the test. I feel like an ogre telling someone they can't go to the bathroom, so sure, you can go. A while later I notice he's been gone abnormally long.
I stick my head out the door and I see him with his head in his locker. He immediately slams the door shut and says "I wasn't cheating!".
We talk about it, he claims he was looking for his calculator. I tell him I'll let him finish the test but I'm going to report it to the principal and vice principal. He gets really upset and refuses to finish the test, just throws it on the floor. I let him cool down a bit then put it back on his desk, he finally starts working on it.
The principal comes by before the end of the test (yay email) and pulls him out of class. Principal comes back in a bit later and tells me the student has something to tell me. I step outside and the guy confesses to cheating. My heart just broke: the guy is crying, and seems very very sorry. Not just I'm getting a bad grade sorry, but I'm really ashamed of myself sorry. I dunno if it's appropriate or not but I had to give him a hug, he was just so sad. And he's generally a great kid: doesn't test well but very attentive and interested in class, and just fun and friendly. So it's all just a bummer.
By contrast, there's another student I've had to talk to several times about cheating: two conversations about copied homework and one about pretty blatantly copied answers on the final. No confession, no admitting anything, blanket denial. Each time there's a talk about consequences, don't do this again, blah blah blah. During this lates test I sat her directly in front of me, all alone, so I could prevent any more cheating. I didn't notice anything. But after the class several of her classmates told me they saw her cheating, using a cheat sheet hidden under her test. They said this is rampant: not just Geometry, this is going on in all of her classes.
Because of all the previous fu and the stone-cold denial that she's done anything wrong, I want SO BAD to just bust her, catch her red-handed. I know this is not a good approach to take, and the staff, who have a lot more experience with this, agreed: deliberately trying to catch someone is just setting yourself up for drama, and she is ultimately going to feel really shamed/humiliated in a way that is not productive. Better to have more strict guidelines to prevent cheating, and have more conversations about integrity.
But still, the fantasy of flipping over her test paper and finding a cheat sheet.... Mmmm, sweet sweet revenge....
Teenage Girls
One of my students had her fifteenth birthday today. For Latinas this is a big big deal. She's walking around all day with a bouquet of roses, a bunch of ballons (like not just one or two, a whole gang), a bevy of well-wishers. Her mom brought in a homemade tres leches cake. Teachers got the leftovers. MMmmm.
I handed back some tests today. They were not good (again). I was trying to get the kids going on test corrections during tutorial. One girl and guy seemed pretty distracted and unproductive, so I was sitting with them trying to get things rolling on a particular problem. The girl got it fairly quickly, but the guy was just not getting it at all. I was trying to talk him through it and it kept going in circles with him not getting it. Then abruptly the girl says "Can I go outside?". I look at her and she has tears in her eyes. I say "Sure you can go outside, is something wrong?" She says "Just my life" and runs, literally runs, out the door sobbing.
I wanted to follow but I have a class of ~20 other kids I can't just ditch. Another girl offers to go out after her and I let her go. After a while I stick my head out and see the two of them walking along laughing. They come back in and things just go back to the way they were: unproductive, distracted, etc.
I am not sure what to make of the whole thing. I don't think it was trickery on her end, I believe she was genuinely upset about something. But I don't really know what, or what changed, or how I could have/should have handled it. But I hurt for her. I can imagine that if you're in a place where you feel like your "life" is wrong, it'd be pretty hard to engage in the wild wild world of Geometry.
I handed back some tests today. They were not good (again). I was trying to get the kids going on test corrections during tutorial. One girl and guy seemed pretty distracted and unproductive, so I was sitting with them trying to get things rolling on a particular problem. The girl got it fairly quickly, but the guy was just not getting it at all. I was trying to talk him through it and it kept going in circles with him not getting it. Then abruptly the girl says "Can I go outside?". I look at her and she has tears in her eyes. I say "Sure you can go outside, is something wrong?" She says "Just my life" and runs, literally runs, out the door sobbing.
I wanted to follow but I have a class of ~20 other kids I can't just ditch. Another girl offers to go out after her and I let her go. After a while I stick my head out and see the two of them walking along laughing. They come back in and things just go back to the way they were: unproductive, distracted, etc.
I am not sure what to make of the whole thing. I don't think it was trickery on her end, I believe she was genuinely upset about something. But I don't really know what, or what changed, or how I could have/should have handled it. But I hurt for her. I can imagine that if you're in a place where you feel like your "life" is wrong, it'd be pretty hard to engage in the wild wild world of Geometry.
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